


The General Guiding Days of our Children

by sheep



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: 5+1, Humor, Multi, Silly, the avengers mansion must be ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-16
Updated: 2012-01-16
Packaged: 2017-10-29 15:30:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/321398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheep/pseuds/sheep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 Avengers Clint got hooked on soap operas and 1 Agent who refused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The General Guiding Days of our Children

**Author's Note:**

> This was an unbeta'ed, 20 minute writing excerise.

1.

“Seriously? These things are still on TV? I thought all the soaps had been cancelled by now.” Tony grumbled as he walked by Clint, eyes bleary and holding what had to be a cup from his second pot of coffee.

Clint just shrugged, “Some are still holding on for dear life. Now shhh, she's about to find out her husband wasn't dead but kidnapped by crazy rednecks and that her wedding to her first husband and baby daddy is about to be voided on the account that she was still married.”

“I think its too early for this.”

“It's 3 in the afternoon. If you sit down, it'll start making sense.” Clint patted the couch seat next to him. “After this, there's a telenovela that involves a women who is dressing as a male priest and is trying to kill her step daughter for being a fun woman of few morals. Well at least she thinks that so she's trying to get her step daughter to confess so her murder is a just one.”

“Is the morally loose daughter hot?” Tony asked, sitting down, eyes glued to the screen.

“Is the sky blue?” Clint smirked back.  
2.

“I don't understand why she doesn't shift into the body of a man. Surely staying as a woman and only putting on the vestments of a man will not trick even the blindest of fools.” Thor puzzled.

“Because humans aren't magical.” Clint explained for the third time since the show had started.

“I'm fairly certain this is an exercise in futility.” Tony whispered to Clint.

“I wouldn't be fooled.” Muttered Thor but he didn't get up to leave.

3.  
“I had wondered where half my team had absconded to these past couple weeks.” Steve said, standing at the doorway to the den, looking down at Clint, Tony, and Thor from their various places around the room.

“Shh Steve. Jake's already donated one kidney to save his brother and now the other one is failing because of his accidental alcoholism.” Clint hushed Steve before turning back to the screen.

“How does one become accidentally alcoholic?” Steve asked, staring confusedly at the group of Avengers around him.

“His business partner's been slipping him spiked coffee for ages now.” Tony answered, not looking away from the screen.

“How would he not know?” Steve asked, inching closer, resting his hands on the back of the couch.

“Foolishness. Everyone on these shows are fools. It is a source of great amusement.” Thor waved Steve over to sit next to him.

4.

“I have better things to be doing than this. I can feel IQ points slipping away.” Bruce mumbled, glaring at everyone else in the room.

“Then why are you here Bruce?” Clint asked, arching an eyebrow in a way eerily similar to Stark.

“Because I'm tired of spending hours in the jet, team meetings, debriefings, and listening to the comm chatter not understanding what the hell you guys are going on about. Last week I thought someone's Aunt was actually injured in a freak helicopter accident. I bought flowers!” Bruce crossed his arms but didn't get up from his seat directly in the middle of the couch.

“It's not that bad.” Steve assured but with little confidence.

“I still can't believe Abuela is gone.” Tony bemoaned.

“Do not mourn her dear friend. She is only in a sleep state. On Asgard, this is only a minor setback. I trust her to return to her mischief tricks in a matter of days..” Thor reached over Banner to pat Tony's arm.

“How many days do I have to do this for?” Bruce asked, a stricken look on his face.

5.

“Why haven't we gotten Natasha to join us? Team building and all.” Bruce asked but Clint just gave him a grave look and shook his head.

“Never again. Last time we were on a long undercover op, I tried to watch a few of the German ones with her. She always knows what's going to happen, first episode of any new plot. She'll ruin every story line for you.”

“But we always guess what's going to happen next.” Steve pointed out.

“Yes but you are mostly wrong. Those guys are usually wrong and I'm sometimes wrong. Being wrong is as much fun as being right. I never would have guessed that Katie was Greta's long lost daughter and that Greta had known all along.” Clint shook his head before looking back up at Bruce. “In short, Natasha can't join.”

As if on cue, Natasha walked by, and glanced at the screen. “Gay, secret twin, congenital heart defect that'll ruin his future career in sports. I can't tell if its baseball or football.”

“Football,” Clint muttered, giving her a glare as she walked on by.

+1  
“Please.” Clint begged, looking overly pathetic with a pout and all.

“I have better things to do,” Phil said blandly, returning to the paperwork in front of him.

“Liar, I've seen all the terrible reality television on your PVR.”

“That is better” Phil deadpanned, not looking up.

“At least my terrible, idiotic people are fake. Real people being that dumb is depressing.” Clint reasoned, leaning over the desk and placing his hands on either side of Phil's paperwork.

“Is there a particular reason besides trying to make me as unproductive as both Stark and Banner have been these past couple weeks?”

“Couples are supposed to do things together. I thought something besides saving the world and having sex might be a nice pleasant change of pace.” Clint sighed, dramatically, before straightening up and turning to leave.

“So instead of me fellating you in twenty minutes, you'd like to watch a soap opera.”

“Well, when you put it like that.” Clint smirked. “I'll see you in 19 minutes and 55 seconds.”


End file.
